Pep-talk for Moms

As I am a stay-at-home mom of two, I have a few things to say to other moms.  I am the first to say I'm not the world's best Mom, but I think I'm doing okay.  And as I'm doing much better now than I have in the past, I'd like to impart some of the smidgen of wisdom I have accumulated.

Stop beating yourself up.  You are human.  You make mistakes.  You have more to gain by doing better next time than you do by dwelling on past "failures".  Nothing that can be learned from should be considered a failure.  So understand your mistakes, own up to them, move on, and do better next time.

I have a special needs child.  I did not make him that way with bad parenting.  God made him that way.  I can be a much better parent to him and his brother by refusing to blame myself for an accident of genetics.

Stop comparing yourself to "perfect mom" over there.  She's not perfect.  She may be better at faking it than you, but she's far from perfect.  I'm sure there are many things that you do better than she does.  God gave you the children He did for a reason; you were meant to have them.  So be proud of your accomplishments.  (Even if you think your best accomplishment is the fact that your children are alive at the end of each day.  Some days that alone is a Herculean task.)

For the sake of your sanity, get out of the house, without your kids.  I suffered from depression for over two years after my first child was born.  And never leaving the house without the kids helped bury me in that depression.  It didn't help that I didn't realise I was depressed until I started to come out of it.  When I started going to water aerobics class twice a week, I felt terribly guilty for leaving the kids with Derek.  But I got over it quickly.  Derek was great about it, encouraging me to get some time to myself.  And he is their father.  He should be expected to take them and give me some time off once in a while.  After a few weeks of going, I came to relish the time where I wasn't responsible for anyone but me.  And I'm much less hesitant to ask for some "me" time now.

Go work out, or take a scrapbooking class, or go out to dinner with some friends.  Just get out of the house.  Even having someone watch your kids for a couple of hours while you run errands can make a huge difference.  And do it at least once a week.  The most terrible day can be made much more tolerable if you have something to look forward to.  You make a better parent when you are calm and collected.  And you can stay much calmer if you take some time to center yourself.

Above all, remember that you have the hardest, most important, most thankless job in the world.  And that makes you a superhero.

Love,
      -Nan

More Adventures in Dog Ownership

Eva's coming up on her second birthday in May.  She's about 60lbs now, and that's about as big as she'll get.  I measure her food and feed her twice a day, so she's not likely to become overweight.

I mentioned in the last post that she's mellowed out some in the almost two years we've had her.  (It'll be two years with us in late July.)  That goes double for the last couple of months.  We got into a beginners Agility class and after I learned the knack of all-positive reinforcement, she took to it like a fish to water.  I had gotten back into some angry ways and she didn't respond well for the first two classes.  So Becky let me know it was my fault she was responding badly, not Eva's.  (9 times out of 10, it's not the dog's fault.)

So I wasn't allowed to use the word "No" in the training area at all.  (Aside here: my "No" is one of the harshest sounding ones you have ever heard.  I got into that habit when she used to try to chew on my kids, and I never developed a kinder correction as she got better.)  So I had to learn how to be positive.  This is not easy for me.  I'm not a positive person.  I remember in the last class Eva did something she really wasn't allowed to, and I told her no.  I immediately appologised to Becky.  She turned and told me that particular "No" was okay, because it was something I said to Eva, not something I yelled at her.  I guess I had learned.

Eva has turned out to be an amazing workout buddy.  No matter how fast I walk or jog, she's always looking back at me and bouncing a couple of times, like she's saying, "Can we go faster now?  How 'bout now?"  I don't think I ever need to worry about not pushing myself to go faster when we go jogging, 'cause it doesn't matter how fast I get, she'll always want me to go faster.  That girl could run all day and have energy to spare!

I can get her to calm down pretty fast now when she decides to bark.  She's friendly but not pushy with the kids.  Having the "dog I didn't want" is turning out to be exactly what I need.  I'm looking to see how much fun we can have now that we have developed a good working relationship.  Sometimes you have to work to get a good family dog, but the work is immensely worth it.

I love my Eva!
             -Nan