First of all, I apologise for the excessive alliteration in the title for this post. But it fit, so I used it.
I am very much an escapist. I read a great deal. I love fantasy novels, romance, and urban fantasy novels. Occasionally I will stray from these genres, but not too often. The problem is, I find so few books that are actually worth reading. I like a complex, heart-wrenching book that has a happy ending. But if I don't have the heart of a writer, I certainly have the heart of a critic.
There are a number of reasons I will stop reading a book. (Or even refuse to pick it up in the first place, for that matter.) I'm gonna first give you a list of my reading pet-peeves before getting into my main point, which specifically pertains to romance novels.
I hate it when an author makes their character do something that character simply wouldn't do. I tried reading a book once where this 23-year-old virgin went out to meet a guy on a blind date and she was so turned on by this guy that she practically jumped him right there in the bar, and then proceeded to go home with this stranger and do precisely that. Before she went out that night she'd had no intention of having sex with anyone. Needless to say, right about the time she lost her virginity I stopped reading. I hate it when authors put their characters in contrived situations and don't allow said characters to respond in a way that actually makes sense for them.
I hate weak-willed female characters. With a fiery, burning passion, actually. That whole wilting-flower, damsel-in-distress thing just does not fly with me.
I hate it when someone tries to write a fantasy-style book or series without setting down a strict set of internally logical rules. People should do fantastic things in fantasy novels. But they still have to make sense in the context of the story. It's not an excuse to allow your characters to do strange and unbelievable things with no consequences or reasoning why and how they are able to do such things.
I hate it when characters are too perfect. There are a number of specific examples that I could give you but each would require their own paragraph to explain and I think this post is going to run long, as is. Suffice it to say, almost every man in any romance novel you ever read fits this bill. The man is tall, handsome and muscular. He's very capable, never scared (unless the Damsel is in distress) and he never freaks out at situations that would have you and me in a padded room in under six seconds. If he gets beat up, shot or stabbed he can shrug it off like a mosquito bite. But manlier. He never whines about his injuries unless he's trying to deliberately manipulate sympathy out of a girl. You get the picture. No real man, or human being for that matter, is like that. People feel pain. They whine. They fart. They have imperfect bodies and bad hair and they act like they've lost a finger when they get a paper cut. (Seriously though, those things effing hurt!) People have flaws. Even the ones that look perfect.
I abhor (see? I found a new word! Thesaurus to the rescue!) it when one character's secret past pain is revealed to another character through some sort of mystic dream where the dreamer gets to experience that pain as if it happened to them. Really, really abhor. This is the kind of contrived plot device that creates false intimacy. When two people get to know each other well enough, they choose to tell each other about their past; the good the bad and the ugly. It is choosing to share this pain that creates said intimacy. Think of something that scarred you emotionally at least ten years ago. Now imagine that someone you are just coming to care for gets to see that entire event in living color, before you feel comfortable sharing it with them. Makes you feel kind of violated, don't it? It would color that person's entire view of you, and they would have no concept of what happened after that which helped or allowed you to cope and move on from that event. Because the fact that you're here and sitting in front of a computer and not in that padded room I mentioned earlier tells me that you found a way to get through this traumatic experience. They would think that pain was the central fact of your existence, and maybe it is, but it's had time to scar and though it's part of you, it isn't all of you. This plot device brings people closer together whithout ever earning it, whether through plot or character development.
And finally I can get to my original point.
A little backstory here. I just read a book. And I was completely and utterly horrified and disgusted by it's portrayal of so-called romantic behavior.
The guy started out as a selfish jerk. (I actually liked this more realistic portrayal of a leading man, to be completely honest. I found it refreshing.) He actually became gradually less of a jerk as the story progressed. Right up until he started having feelings for the girl. Then he turned into a creepy controlling nutcase.
He kept thinking of spanking the girl whenever she did something he didn't like. He even turned her over his knee and spanked her bare butt in one scene. She was very turned on. His behavior in this scene seemed to be made completely okay because she found it sexually arousing. (FYI I don't actually think spanking in the fetish, sexy sort of way is a bad thing, in theory. But deliberately humiliating your significant other, treating them like a child, and physically raising a hand to them as a form of punishment? Not. Okay.) Yes the scene was kind of sexy but in a very disturbing this is wrong sort of way. They had a strange, aquaintances-with-benefits deal while living on separate sides of a split rented house. Then after she broke up with him, while she was medicated and passed out, he moved all her stuff out of her apartment and into his, and then changed the locks on her apartment. (My thoughts at this point were of the "What the FUCK?!" variety. But with more expletives.) Now the guy did actually own the house she was renting half of, but I know a thing or two about tennant rights and I'm pretty darn sure that he could be arrested and charged with any number of things for this behavior pretty much anywhere in North America. Most of the world probably, if you added in the abduction and theft, come to think of it.
So then she threatened to move out completely and he just told her that he'd buy the house next to where she'd move to. She called him a stalker, but secretly she was amused by his statement. What. The. Fuck. The fact that he finally declared his love for her made all of his controlling and manipulative behavior all okay. It just showed her how much he loved her and couldn't live without her. See previous bolded statement. They both lived happily ever after. In the book, that is.
In real life, he starts beating her within three months. She tries to leave him and he puts her in the hospital, telling her if she ever tries again he'll kill her. But it's all her fault because he loves her so much and she just makes him so angry.
This is my major pet peeve with romance novels. They portray men as big and strong and necessary for a woman's survival and wellbeing, and women as weak and stupid. Or if a woman is strong and smart, the act of falling in love causes all her muscles to atrophy and her brain to be lobotomised, rendering her weak and maleable so the man can feel strong and smart. Basically, you are a woman, and therefore weak. Apparently a strong intelligent woman is a threat to any man's masculinity and therefore if you want to find real passion and love you need to be weak so your man can feel strong.
The real problem with this is that many lonely readers don't have the critical thinking skills or real-life experience to see that this is the opposite of what we should want out of a relationship. These books tell us that we should find a man who we can't live without. That this passion for another person should outweigh our very will to live. And worse yet, these books imply that anything less isn't real love. Which is a load of bullshit.
I am no expert on love. My five-year marriage is far from perfect. My husband is far from the dark-haired-blue-eyed-tall-and-lean-but-ripped ideal I held in my head for the perfect man. I am also far from the ideal he held in his head before he met me. But he is an excellent match for me personality wise, and he is very handsome and intelligent and funny and most of the time he puts up with my many, many personality quirks with the kind of patience that would awe a saint.
If he died I would be devastated. It would take me a long time to get over the love of my life, my other half. But I would survive. Likewise for him if I died. We've actually discussed this possibility. We both agree that the other should move on and get remarried, should tragedy strike. I don't want my (potential) death to keep the man I love from a happy and full life. If there was a woman out there who could care for and love the man and children I left behind, then they have my blessing. The people I love deserve to be happy, even without me.
You see, love doesn't make you weak. It doesn't crush your spirit and render you incapable. Love makes you stronger. It pushes you, tests your limits and forges two people into two even stronger people, who are separate but yet an inextricable part of each other. A man who loves you will support your dreams, (Within reason. If you love him you'll make sure the dreams you pursue don't crush him in the process.) help you forge new dreams and stand behind you but let you be in a position to fall, and fail, ready to help you back up again. He doesn't put you in a protective bubble that keeps you from harm and failure. Love doesn't do that. That's not love, it's fear. If a man wants to protect you so much that you feel smothered, it's because he's afraid of losing you. He doesn't trust himself to be able to go on if something happens to you, or you leave. Real love trusts the other person to be able to fight their own battles when they need to, and trusts themselves to be able to go on should the worst happen. A real man actually feels stronger and more intelligent when he is supported by a woman who is strong and intelligent enough to challenge him. Likewise a real woman. We don't need a weak man to make us feel strong, and we don't need a strong man to make us feel capable.
I really, really wish more women (and men) knew that. And these books that misportray the ideal that we should strive for are the very opposite of helpful.
If you want to read some books that I believe do it right, check out the Cassie Palmer series by Karen Chance. One of the main character's love interests surrounds her in bodyguards to keep her safe. The other is teaching her how to fight, watching her back all the while. Guess which one I'm hoping gets the girl?
Thanks for hanging in there for my bitter tirade.
Love,
-Nan
