First of all, sorry for the incredibly long hiatus.
I could give you a whole bunch of reasons why I haven't posted in over a year, but they'd just amount to excuses so I'm going to skip that part and just get to the point.
I'm sorry I left you with that tirade about romance novels as my last post. It was kind of random and really unconnected to anything I'd written before. Well it's not going to feel unconnected anymore!
Ironically enough, what I'm writing today actually relates to that post rather directly. And I did not plan it that way.
Please go back and read What's Wrong With What We're Reading. It gives some really good context for what I have to say today.
Well, I started writing again.
All the writing I have done since high school has been in the form of a couple talks I gave at a religious retreat and anything I've posted here. That's it.
I don't think I've done any creative writing since grade school. Which is a terrible shame, because I write fictional stories and situations in my head all the time. And I've been doing this for over two decades.
I write original stories, or I explore situations that never got to happen with my favourite characters in books, TV shows, and even video games. (For those of you who don't know, this is called "fanfiction", or fanfic for short. Theres a website, Fanfiction.net that has thousands of them.) It's rare that I don't have some scenario or other playing in the back of my head.
I have never made any attempts to get any of those stories down on paper. Until this week. They just roll around in my head until they get to some resolution, or I move on to a new story.
Four days ago I finally sat down and started writing a novel. An original work about characters that I created.
I cannot even begin to discribe to you how much this terrifies me. This is the one thing I have always wanted to do with my life. I love my children. I feel that I was called to be a mom. I think I'm pretty good at it, where my specific children are concerned. I was called to be a wife. I am less good at that, but I'm working on it.
But writing, and maybe making a living at it, that is my dream. If I could do anything in the world, I would write fiction. And I just finally took the first step towards maybe, just maybe, being able to do that.
I know it's not actually that likely I will be able to do be a professional Novelist. A lot of things need to align in my favour if this dream is going to become a reality. But dammit, I am going to try. And trying something that scares you and failing is so much better than never trying at all.
I'm a little embarassed that I'm writing a romance novel. Or I was until I re-read my last post. If you want to know why I'm writing my book, it's all in there. I want to write the cure to the bad romance novel.
I want to write a book that shows people what a good, strong, loving and healthy relationship between two people looks like. I don't know if I'm going to succeed. I don't know if there's a publisher out there who will actually be interested in what I'm writing even if I do.
I started this blog to get some practice with writing on a more regular basis, and to maybe find my voice, on the page. That's why I called it "Finding My Voice". (I freely admit I've been rather abyssmal at the getting regular practice part.)
If this blog is Finding My Voice, then writing a novel is Screaming Out Loud.
I've been working on the novel every day for four days. I am very aware that four days isn't very much, as far as establishing habits is concerned. But it's a start. I've also been writing in a red journal, by hand, trying to keep track of my thoughts and ideas as to the book, my characters and my writing process. It is my hope that it'll help on those days when the words don't come easy.
And I can tell you from the times I sat down to write a post and didn't finish it, that sometimes the words really don't come easy.
This particular story has been rolling around in my head for almost a year now. I know the basic plot. I know the characters. I know how everything is supposed to work out in the end. It's putting it all down on paper that's the hard part. I have entire scenes that I have to write based on a single vague sentence. Not even I will know how they turn out until I actually write them.
So expect to see a lot more posts on my writing process and how the novel is coming. Hopefully keeping more of a life-focus on writing my novel will keep me posting back here on a far more regular basis. (No promises. I am undependable.)
I just had to come here and tell you what I'm up to now.
Hopefully see you soon.
Love,
-Nan
