Life Update

I've been writing quite often about abstract ideas.  Time I talked a bit more about myself and my family again.

I got a bicycle for mother's day, so I've picked up cycling again after 10 years of not riding at all.  I figure with the jogging and the water aerobics, I've got a nice mix of exercise.  I bought an attachment for the bike so Eva can run with me and I won't wipe out or run her over.  I like it so far.  I've lost 18 lbs since January first of this year.  I haven't lost much in the last month so I need to start exercising more often again.  For the first time in years I have energy and I like the way I look and feel.  I think my husband has noticed a difference as well.  I've been seriously considering starting to write a novel.  It's a scary idea and I'm stalling though.  Also, I need a good idea to start with.

Noah's still in preschool.  He's doing pretty well and his teacher's aide is taking him over to the elementary to spend half an hour every day with the Kindergarten class.  He seems to really like it and this should help him transition to the new school and program when he starts Kindergarten there in the fall.  He's not talking very much (again) but he's doing very well in other areas.  He will put his own shoes and coat on when it comes time to go home, and he's getting very good at following directions.  He has also been making sooo much eye contact!  He actually seeks information from those around him by looking at their eyes.  This is a very important and vital thing for an individual with autism to learn and use, so those who know Noah are very excited about this new development!

Sean has been spending some time over at his Auntie's house, with a cousin a few months older than him, and it seems to have helped him immensely.  He actually uses words to get his needs met now.  He's still pretty far behind in verbal skills for a three-year-old, but he's making progress and wants to know new words and use them.  We're in the process of trying to get him tested for autism, based on the advice of a speech pathologist.  He's not nearly as delayed as Noah, but he still may be on the spectrum.  It's better for us to know and get him help and treat him according to his needs, than ignore the problems just because he doesn't seem as delayed as his big brother.

We had a bit of a setback with Eva.  She snapped at my dad when he stepped in on her being obnoxious with his dog, and I seriously considered finding her a new home.  It is not okay for her to be agressive with people.  The actual problem is not her behavior with people though.  It's her behavior with other dogs.  She doesn't seem to be able to read and understand the body language of other dogs, especially when they're telling her to back off.  I don't think she does it deliberately, but her style of play is very agressive and dominating.  So I've got her back in a "Manners" class, so she can learn some better behavior.  She seems to be catching on, and I no longer think I'll need to give her away.  I want to keep her.  She's my dog, and I love her.  But if it came to a choice, my kids come first.  I cannot keep an animal near my children if it is potentially dangerous to them.  An accidental bite is still a bite, regardless of the reason.  But I reiterate: we're doing good now and Eva stays right where she is.

Derek's doing well.  Getting lots done in the yard and hanging out with the kids.  We've been making more time for just the two of us and we're both enjoying the time together.

So that's what's going on in my life and my family right now.

Love,
      -Nan

Miracle Math

I am no mathematician, so I'm no expert on the subject, but the first thing we are taught in elementary math class is this:

1+1=2

I'm going to present to you a different kind of math.

In my life, 1+1=4

Two people come together and create two more, without any discernable diminishing of the original two in the equation.  In fact, one could speculate that the original two in this equation have gained (Aside from the weight gain, of course. This concept refuses to speculate on sneaky post-childbearing weight gain.)from the miracle math that added two more from almost complete nothingness.

Life starts with two cells.  By some strange, unpredictable process two cells which are incapable of creating life on their own, when brought together, start to split and become more, and more and more cells.  And somehow some of those cells know to become skin, and others heart.  Others develop into the brain, the nervous system.  Muscles.  Bone.  And somehow, through Miracle Math, all these cells form together to be an actual person.  After time spent growing and borrowing what is needed from another entity becomes someone entirely separate from all others, unique.

A brain to think.  A personality to be.  A heart, a soul, to love.  All somehow created from two, to become a third entity.  A mathematical impossibility.

And here's another impossibility for you: it happens all the time.  It has happened more times than any person is capable of counting.  The process may be different, but the result is the same; with human beings, with animals, plants.  Bugs, even.

The next time you look at your parents, think about the mathematical impossibility that is you.  Same with your kids.  And then consider thanking whatever Creator you may believe in for everyday miracles.  Just because they happen all the time, doesn't make them any less mysterious, or any less awesome.

And don't take the everyday miracles for granted.

Love,
    -Nan

Beauty

So lately I feel beautiful.  On a regular basis.  For the first time since I had kids.  So I got to thinking why that is.

Is it because of the weight I've lost?  Getting regular exercise?  The fact that it's warm lately and the snow has finally melted and the sun is shining?

The answer is, all of the above, but the weight loss and the exercise and the fact that I actually want to get out in the sun are symptoms of something far bigger.

You see, being skinny doesn't make you beautiful.  Or being tanned, or tall, or having expensive clothes.  How many people do you know whose body you would kill to be in, who are tremendously unhappy?  I can think of a few off the top of my head.

I've noticed when I go to water aerobics that many of the women there wrap a towel around themselves when they're not in the pool.  A great many of those women are smaller and more fit than I am.  I would rather be my size with my body confidence, than skinnier with theirs.

So what is it that makes me feel beautiful lately?  I've come to realise that it's love, and acceptance.  I didn't like my body before, so I decided to change it.  Not just to lose weight, but to develop skills for a healthy lifestyle, and be a better example for my children.  To feel better about myself.  It is an internal change as much as an external one.  As I learned to take better care of myself, I also learned to like myself better.  To accept my flaws, even while trying to improve them.

I learned to love myself.  You take good care of the things you love, and it shows.  I've seen people who are "overweight" who are incredibly beautiful, because they accept themselves, and aren't fixated on what is "wrong" with how they look.

So if you don't feel beautiful, why?  Maybe instead of obsessing about what is wrong with you, you should focus on what is right.  Decide to love yourself, and your outward image will transform to suit.  The next time you feel "ugly", "fat", "stupid", or any of the other ugly words we all use to run ourselves down, try repeating these words to yourself:

I am not loved because I am beautiful.  I am beautiful because I am loved.  And today, I choose to love myself.

Love,
     Nan