Embracing Emotion

I like to cry.

Yes, there are times when showing emotion embarasses me.  When I get so angry or frustrated that it manifests itself in tears, for instance.  I hate how my face gets red and scrunched up and my eyes get puffy.  (For this reason, I love Julia Roberts.  When that woman cries she actually looks like a real human being.  Unlike most actresses, who somehow manage to still look perfect while bawling their eyes out.)

But for the most part, I like to cry.  I embrace my emotions as they come.  One of the rules I live by is this:

Don't ever apologise for how you feel.  Apologise for how you act, but never how you feel.

You are entitled to your emotions.

When I get into a melancholia mood, I tend to wallow in it.  I put on music that matches my mood, and let the emotions come.  I spent all morning yesterday crying because I was watching Grey's Anatomy.  (Stupid, addictive soap opera...)  Sometimes when the emotions are buried, I have to use something to help them to the surface.  I think that bout of crying helped, because here I am writing again for the first time in two months.  I've been suffering a serious block.  Fell off the wagon exercise and diet wise too. 

Time to get back on the horse, so to speak.

So I guess what I've been trying to say is that I'm fighting off my depression by simply stopping fighting it.  And letting the emotions come in full force, and letting them surface, dealing with them and moving on.  I'm feeling better for embracing my emotions, rather than trying to stuff them into a box.  It's nice to not feel numb anymore.

Love,
       -Nan

P.S.  The form of depression I suffer from is very mild.  This helps me to deal with it.  I'm not in any way saying that this works for everyone.  If you suffer from depression, talk to someone about it.  Message me, call a hotline, call a friend.  No one can help you if they don't know you suffer.  So ask for help.  People love you and care for you.  The world is a better place with you in it.