Sorry I've been away so long. I went through a brief bout with depression followed by a manic, obsessive bout with my new video game. I swear every game Bioware releases just eats me alive!
I figured I should make this post to just update what's going on in my life.
Noah's doing really well right now. Lots of good eye contact. He's talking all the time, even though I don't understand half of what he's saying. He seems to enjoy the time he gets to join the kindergarten class. That should also help him to transition into that class next year. He's become very good at communicating his needs, and we're in the process of applying for specialised services to help him with his life skills.
Sean has started spending 1 day a week over at his aunt's house. (Thanks, Jessica!) He gets to hang out with a cousin about six months older than him, and I get a bit of a break. He's been talking a great deal more since then, and is getting much better at communicating his needs as well.
Eva is doing well. She seems to be calming down a lot lately. She doesn't bark as much, and she actually sits when she wants attention. I need to get her into another class soon, so we can keep this good momentum going. I haven't been able to take her for many walks because it won't stop snowing, but I try to take her to my parents' acreage once a week so she can run.
I have lost 15 lbs. That's half a pound short of the halfway point of my mid-July weight loss goal, so I'm still on pace to lose 31 lbs before my 30th birthday. I've been jogging on my mini-trampoline when the weather is nasty. (Which it has been almost steadily since January.) My energy levels are up and I'm really starting to notice the difference in my body.
I'm working on re-affirming my relationship with God. I haven't been to church in way too long. I have a host of excuses but I really need to get my butt in gear and just go back. I've started reading a couple of Christian books, and listening to some Christian music. It's been helping me to feel better about myself.
I priced out a new kitchen. It will be bottom-of-the line, but a vast improvement on the home-made, ill-fitting cabinets we have in our 30-year-old trailer. And it will be pretty inexpensive, to boot!
So lots of stuff on the go. Things seem to be on the upswing in my life. I'll try to keep up with the posting more often.
Love,
Nan
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Night Terrors
I believe I may have mentioned this in a previous post but it happened again last night, so I'm going to go into greater depth here.
Last night I felt very anxious as I went to bed. I've been feeling depressed over the last couple of weeks and I drastically overreacted to something that Eva did late last night and felt absolutely terrible about it. (I did not hurt her at all, but I may have scared her. I was trying to get her to take a submissive posture and ended up forcing it. Sooooo not helpful in our trust relationship. If you don't remember, Eva is my dog.)
So I felt very bad about myself when I went to bed, and I think that may be the source of the dream I had last night.
I remember I was in the water with three other people and I knew that there was something else in the water with us. Not human but not animal. It was humanoid, thin, and short, and had some sort of wings, and I could see it as a sort of shadow. I had the impression that the only reason I could see it was that it was in the water. The other three people couldn't see it so I was telling them where it is. As I continued shouting out directions, I started losing my ability to talk. My words came out garbled or not at all.
And the next thing I knew it was attached to my lower back. I had the feeling that it was somehow invading my body. So I told it to get out of my body, in the Name of Jesus Christ. The words came out clear the first time, and when I tried to repeat them, they came out garbled again. And then I woke up.
And the first sensation I had upon waking was that of it leaving through my lower back. Like my dream was a manifestation of something that was actually happening. I don't know if that was the last vestiges of the dream hanging on into my waking state, or something else. But I was terrified. It took me about ten minutes to get the courage to get up and go to the bathroom. 'Cause I really had to go.
So today I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all. My brain is functioning at half capacity. And I've come to the realisation that since adolescence I have always woken up from really bad dreams with the sensation of something touching my lower back. And if I tried to move it sent the most disgusting nervy sensation up and down my spine. I wonder if that has any significance.
So if any of you out there know of any spirit healers (Christian or otherwise) who could shed some light on this sort of thing, I'd love to hear it. Because I would like it to stop. Forever. And I'm thinking I might need some help with that.
Love,
-Nan
Last night I felt very anxious as I went to bed. I've been feeling depressed over the last couple of weeks and I drastically overreacted to something that Eva did late last night and felt absolutely terrible about it. (I did not hurt her at all, but I may have scared her. I was trying to get her to take a submissive posture and ended up forcing it. Sooooo not helpful in our trust relationship. If you don't remember, Eva is my dog.)
So I felt very bad about myself when I went to bed, and I think that may be the source of the dream I had last night.
I remember I was in the water with three other people and I knew that there was something else in the water with us. Not human but not animal. It was humanoid, thin, and short, and had some sort of wings, and I could see it as a sort of shadow. I had the impression that the only reason I could see it was that it was in the water. The other three people couldn't see it so I was telling them where it is. As I continued shouting out directions, I started losing my ability to talk. My words came out garbled or not at all.
And the next thing I knew it was attached to my lower back. I had the feeling that it was somehow invading my body. So I told it to get out of my body, in the Name of Jesus Christ. The words came out clear the first time, and when I tried to repeat them, they came out garbled again. And then I woke up.
And the first sensation I had upon waking was that of it leaving through my lower back. Like my dream was a manifestation of something that was actually happening. I don't know if that was the last vestiges of the dream hanging on into my waking state, or something else. But I was terrified. It took me about ten minutes to get the courage to get up and go to the bathroom. 'Cause I really had to go.
So today I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all. My brain is functioning at half capacity. And I've come to the realisation that since adolescence I have always woken up from really bad dreams with the sensation of something touching my lower back. And if I tried to move it sent the most disgusting nervy sensation up and down my spine. I wonder if that has any significance.
So if any of you out there know of any spirit healers (Christian or otherwise) who could shed some light on this sort of thing, I'd love to hear it. Because I would like it to stop. Forever. And I'm thinking I might need some help with that.
Love,
-Nan
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