Pep-talk for Moms

As I am a stay-at-home mom of two, I have a few things to say to other moms.  I am the first to say I'm not the world's best Mom, but I think I'm doing okay.  And as I'm doing much better now than I have in the past, I'd like to impart some of the smidgen of wisdom I have accumulated.

Stop beating yourself up.  You are human.  You make mistakes.  You have more to gain by doing better next time than you do by dwelling on past "failures".  Nothing that can be learned from should be considered a failure.  So understand your mistakes, own up to them, move on, and do better next time.

I have a special needs child.  I did not make him that way with bad parenting.  God made him that way.  I can be a much better parent to him and his brother by refusing to blame myself for an accident of genetics.

Stop comparing yourself to "perfect mom" over there.  She's not perfect.  She may be better at faking it than you, but she's far from perfect.  I'm sure there are many things that you do better than she does.  God gave you the children He did for a reason; you were meant to have them.  So be proud of your accomplishments.  (Even if you think your best accomplishment is the fact that your children are alive at the end of each day.  Some days that alone is a Herculean task.)

For the sake of your sanity, get out of the house, without your kids.  I suffered from depression for over two years after my first child was born.  And never leaving the house without the kids helped bury me in that depression.  It didn't help that I didn't realise I was depressed until I started to come out of it.  When I started going to water aerobics class twice a week, I felt terribly guilty for leaving the kids with Derek.  But I got over it quickly.  Derek was great about it, encouraging me to get some time to myself.  And he is their father.  He should be expected to take them and give me some time off once in a while.  After a few weeks of going, I came to relish the time where I wasn't responsible for anyone but me.  And I'm much less hesitant to ask for some "me" time now.

Go work out, or take a scrapbooking class, or go out to dinner with some friends.  Just get out of the house.  Even having someone watch your kids for a couple of hours while you run errands can make a huge difference.  And do it at least once a week.  The most terrible day can be made much more tolerable if you have something to look forward to.  You make a better parent when you are calm and collected.  And you can stay much calmer if you take some time to center yourself.

Above all, remember that you have the hardest, most important, most thankless job in the world.  And that makes you a superhero.

Love,
      -Nan