You Find What You're Looking For

So I was thinking while driving to town yesterday, about how optimistic I am about the coming year.  I'm not generally known for my optimism, so I was wondering what, exactly was the cause of this change.

I have been fighting for two years to get Noah diagnosed.  From denial, to acceptance to battling with doctors who I'm sure thought I was being a hypochondriac mom.  I had to arrange to have tests done, then find that they didn't seem to help with getting the diagnosis because a doctor didn't order the tests.  And we were on a waiting list to see a pediatrician for over six months before I requested my doctor refer me to a different pediatrician.  Then I had to call my family doctor every week for a month to get him to actually make the referral.  So it was an uphill battle for a long time.

Then from the time we saw the pediatrician a month later, everything just fell into place.  I didn't have to request autism testing.  The doctor recommended the testing after speaking with me for fifteen minutes.  And then when I got a call from the clinic, they said that the testing I had had done might mean that we could get Noah diagnosed via teleconference.  (Which was a huge relief, being as the clinic is five hours drive away one way, and the winter roads have been particularly nasty this year.)  So only six weeks after seeing a pediatrician, in mid-December of 2010, Noah was diagnosed from our home town via teleconference.  It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

So this year was looking up right from the get-go.  We had the diagnosis so we could apply for government services, and if Noah goes into Kindergarten next year, I don't have to worry about him being labelled a problem child.

Just last month, I started working out.  I've tried a couple of times in the last year, but I put my back out very badly the first time, and it's never been the same since.  So that kind of ended my attempts to lose weight.  This time around, I am easing into it.  I only work out every other day at the very most.  I am doing water aerobics, so the strain on my body is much less.

I feel better, because I'm making an effort to be more healthy.  I found out last night that I've actually lost 4 pounds in less than three weeks!  And that's just with working out three times a week, drinking lots of water, and being more conscientious of what I eat and when.

A lot of good and terrible things are going on in the lives of the people I know.  So I was thinking to myself, "What makes my outlook good or bad?"

And the answer I got was, "You find what you're looking for."

There will always be good and bad things going on around you.  If you look for the bad things, the good things fade into the background.  And if you are looking for the good things, even the bad things seem to have a bright side, even if it's "That could have been worse".  Because often times it could have been so much worse.

And this year I just can't seem to shake the feeling that something good is lying just around the corner.

And the really funny thing is that a few seconds after that feeling came upon me once again, my car crested the hill and one of my very favourite things came into view; my home town at night from an overlooking hill about five miles distant.  The lights stretch out to the sides along a long flat prairie, and I've always felt that that sight at night time meant "home".  Those lights I have long held as one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

So I guess you really do find what you're looking for in life.  And if I hold on to the feeling that something is amazing just over the next hill, how can I help but find it?

Love,
      -Nan